In 1 Samuel 18:1, Scripture says,
When [David] had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
Later, in 1 Samuel 20:17, we are told again that Jonathan loved David "as he loved his own soul." As we seek to fulfill Christ's commands, and this command to love our neighbor as ourself, it would seem Jonathan is someone we should pay close attention to.
Read 1 Samuel 20. Based on this chapter, how would you describe Jonathan & David's friendship?
Jonathan chooses to side with David in the dispute against his father, even though this essentially costs Jonathan a chance to sit on the throne himself. In this way Jonathan embodies the attitude of John the Baptist: "I must decrease, so that He [Christ] might increase." Later, Christ himself says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
How would you apply these observations to explaining Sweet's distinction between a "best friend" and a "true friend"? Do you think such a distinction exists?
Think about your life situation right now. What aspects of your life promote finding a true friend and being a true friend? What aspects of your life challenge the formation of true friendships?
Sweet identifies 3 "syndromes" that cause Jonathans to be rare occurrences:
- "What's In It for Me?" - a Jonathan asks, "What's in it for you?"
- "No Down Elevator" - Jonathans are people we can come clean with, both the bad and the good. Many people are uncomfortable with this level of deep intimacy.
- "What, Me Sacrifice?" - Jonathans are willing to pay the price of being a friend, especially in the area of time.
Do you see the lack of these syndromes in Jonathan? Are there other "syndromes" that you think cause true friends to be difficult to find?
Sweet poses a couple of interesting questions at the end of this chapter that I think especially merit discussion:
- "Some recent research suggests that women will sacrifice achievement for the sake of a relationship, but men will more likely sacrifice a relationship for the sake of an achievement. Does this ring true with your own experience? Do you agree with those who argue for gender differences in terms of relational skills? If true, what are its implications if strong relationships hold both families and societies together?"
- "In some cultures, one's spouse is most often one's Jonathan. In other cultures, one's spouse is most often not one's Jonathan (e.g., 'An ideal husband is one who is always well and never home,' according to an old Japanese proverb). What are the advantages of having a spouse as one's Jonathan? The disadvantages?"
I am always struck that Jesus elevates so highly the command to love neighbor as we love ourselves. It is second only to loving God with everything we have. I think the command of Jesus reminds us that our first concern should be to be a Jonathan to others rather than waiting to identify our own Jonathans. Perhaps in seeking to be a true friend we find our true friends as well.
2 comments:
I think true Jonathans are rare in today’s pressured society that focuses on achievement, success, and survival. Time is of importance to do the aforementioned. Time is of utmost importance to form a Jonathan relationship with someone. I personally have had 3 such relationships in my life. Only one is still in my life today. We are each other’s Jonathan. It took a few years to form this relationship. The common bond we have is Christ. I personally do not know if I could have a Jonathan in my life that was not connected to Christ. The Jonathan friendship I have is characteristic of the elements Sweet mentioned in his book. We have spiritual conversation, pray together, we can be honest with who we are without judgments, and help each other grow in Christ. I am not devaluing relationships with my non-Christian friends as those can be very rich indeed. It is in those relationships that I could be a Jonathan. This is something I need God to work on in my life, as I find I tend to put more of an effort into my friendships with other Christians than non-Christians. Being a Jonathan to a non-Christian can truly open a door of opportunity to share Christ. Sorry this does not really address the discussion questions, but this is what God brought to my mind.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. That is what this is designed for. The questions are merely to help spark some thoughts and discussion. Folks are invited to share whatever they feel led to share.
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